Wine Making
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Midlife Dating: Filling Your Social Calendar
   
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The Stuff Of Poetry - Mead
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People have been drinking fermented beverages since the dawn of
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If you find yourself suddenly solo at midlife wondering how to
keep a balanced social life and meet other singles, you arent
alone.
Sometimes friends and country clubs are divided up in the
divorce along with the possessions, or you may find your
invitations from married couples dwindling or difficult.
Formerly an enthusiastic host or hostess, you may find it too
challenging to entertain alone in your own home, while feeling
like odd man out with the former married crowd you moved in.
You may also have lost your best tennis or racquetball partner
in your former spouse.
Others take a hiatus after a breakup or loss of a spouse, and
then, when they feel like getting active again, wonder how to go
about it. It isnt just about finding a new partner, its doing
things you like to do with others.
Here are some suggestions.
SINGLE ACTIVITIES GROUPS
You can find these groups through yellow pages, search engines
or local churches. If you dont find one in your town, start
one. They fill a need.
These groups may or may not be age-limited. Structured in
various ways, they usually have an Activities Chairperson who
schedules events. The person who wants to sponsor an event or
activity gets it on the calendar, coordinates logistics
(collects money, books tickets), takes reservations, answers
questions and serves as welcoming host at the event or activity
itself.
MIXED GROUPS
Regular activity groups such as an Adventure Group are a great
idea too. Activities are physically oriented, including dancing,
kayacking, hiking, and camping trips. There could be one around
culture too, or travel. They include both single and married
folks, just like church, the Rotary and the workplace.
Its a great way to meet new people, whether youre a couple new
to town who knows no one outside of work, or a single person
hoping to find a partner.
Socializing around shared interests with an unplanned group of
others is one of the best ways to meet new members of the
opposite sex. They have a good energy, and youre already on the
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Volunteering would also fit this category. Check out your local
museums, non-profits, libraries, hospitals, zoo and alma mater
to see what groups you can belong to and enjoy.
And dont forget civic organizations.
Remember, you can make it happen. If you went to a big school
and still live in that town, why not start a Single Alumni Club?
Youd connect with people you have a lot in common with
history.
SINGLES FRIENDS GROUP
A Singles Friends Group may or may not be age-defined, and can
include a wide variety of social events and activities out on
the town, up in the hills, or in the homes of members. Some may
date, but its mostly about new friends and shared interests.
Included might be: wine and beer tasting, happy hour, a crafts
party for members and their grandkids, Super Bowl party in
someones home, Sunday night dinner and movie, a cruise,
volunteer work, going to a rodeo, ballet or symphony, attending
a cooking class, Game Night at someones home (bring your
favorite board game), a Dance Gala inviting all-city singles,
bowling, and just about anything else people enjoy doing
together.
Churches sometimes sponsor these groups, giving them a place to
meet on Sunday morning, or they can be held in public facilities
such as a hotel, restaurant, or library.
CHURCH SINGLES GROUPS & SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASSES
Many churches and religious institutions actively minister to
singles and offer Sunday School classes, Bible study, small
groups, social events, and volunteer opportunities. Ask other
singles where the good ones are, and call around to some
churches to see what they offer singles.
SPEED DATING OR PRE-DATING
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Speed dating or pre-dating is another option. Either in-person
at a public location, or by phone and Internet, you meet people
in your age and interest category in short (6 minutes?)
pre-dates. (See www.pre-dating.com .)
We facilitate the whole thing, say these folks, who schedule
events in various cities throughout the US, so theres no
awkwardness, no pressure, no embarrassment and no games just
great fun! Couples who indicate a mutual interest are given
each others contact information after the event.
Here are some of the categories: Singles (ages 40-49); Jewish
Singles, Single Parents, Interracial (White Men/Black Women),
Latin/Speakers of Spanish Singles; Younger Women (25-39) / Older
Men (40-55), Younger Men (25-37) / Older Women (38-49), Athletic
Singles, East / West Indian Singles, Marriage Minded Singles,
Smokers / Smoker Tolerant Singles, Tall Women (5/10+) / Tall
Men, and Singles without Children.
Sample venue? Complimentary quesadilla bar and happy hour drink
specials from 4:30 7:30 p.m., held on a Wednesday night, cost
is around $35. They say youll connect with about 10-12 people.
What if you fit one category but want to date within another?
Say youre a 60 year old man who likes to date 25 year olds, or
a tall women who prefers short men? Pre-dating.com says they
favor diversity and will try to accommodate, but only allow
about 1 in 10 to be out-of-category.
Initially I thought this mode best for extraverts who love the
frenzy and sheer numbers, but introverts could also do well
because theyre perceptive and get a chance to visit one-on-one,
which is their forte.
DANCING
Dancing is great fun and exercise, and a great way to meet new
people of all ages. Check out local dance venues to see if
theyre offering dance classes. You can brush up on your skills
at a local dancing school, and also meet other singles there.
Or take group lessons at local dance halls which offer them free
(or for little) early in the evening to help fill up the place
on off nights. Even the fabled Bill Bobs offers dance lessons
on Thursday nights, in their case bringing in national talent to
teach it, but if your towns like mine, youll be amazed at the
local talent.
To locate a dancing teacher near you, go here:
http://www.dancespots.net/Find/FindATeacher.asp?SE=Y .
CONCLUSION
These are just a few of the ways you can put yourself around
other single people in a more structured way and get a jump on a
social life. Active participation allows you to meet other
singles, possibly for dating, while also meeting friends,
enjoying your life, going new places, trying new things,
learning new skills, and having fun.
About the author:
Susan Dunn, MA, Midlife Dating and Relationship Coach,
http://www.susandunn.cc . Offering coaching for men and women in
dating, transitions, retirement and other midlife issues. Susan
is the author of Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women,
available at www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc .